I wrote the following in college for an English class in 1996.  Colby, my oldest son, was almost 2 years old at the time.  I got a “B” on the paper.  This is not for the faint at heart.  This is a personal depiction of the hidden emotion and reality of abortion for women, men, and the children who have been aborted.  Thank you for taking the time to read.

“For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.  I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.”  (Psalm 139:13-14)

From “I Love You Mommy”written in 1996 and revised October, 2010.

Today is October 16, 1994, and I am here. My name is Colby. My mommy and daddy do not even know it yet. I have only been here for just a few brief moments, but already I know so many things that I can tell you.

The first thing you should know about me is that I am a boy. My favorite color will be blue and I will love airplanes and soccer. When I am born, I will have blond hair and blue eyes like my mommy, and I will have my daddy’s nose. My first word is going to be “ba-ba,” and soon after I will learn many other words and be able to talk.

It has now been a few weeks since I first began. My heart is beating now and I am growing. I am much bigger than when I started growing. All of my organs are getting stronger, and one by one they are beginning to function on their own. My hands and feet are so cute! One day they are going to help me when I play soccer. It is going to be my favorite sport and my daddy is going to be the best coach in the world. My mommy will take me to practice and sit in the stands to cheer for me.

Today is December 3rd and my mommy has just found out about me. I wonder what she is thinking. I can’t wait to see her and my daddy. I bet that my mommy is very beautiful. Mommy, are you excited? Do you think you can stand to wait nine whole months to hold me and look into my eyes for the first time? I know I can’t wait! By then, I will surely be ready to see you and daddy. When I am born, my eyes will be ready to see the world and not a light on this earth will be too bright.

Today is December 5th. I wonder how mommy is doing today? I know that she is a little sick this morning. I feel really yucky too. I hope mommy and I get past this part of her pregnancy soon. This is the hard part. Soon everything is going to be just fine. The months are going to go by so quickly, and I will be born. I also decided today that I want a pet. I really love animals. Maybe a puppy would be nice. Something that can grow up with me. I guess that it doesn’t really matter what it is though. I am going to love learning about all animals. Monkeys and birdies and butterflies; I am going to love them all. It is going to be so amazing to have my mommy and daddy teach me all about every one of them.

Wow! Time is flying by so quickly. My hair is beginning to come in a bit now. It is definitely blond, even though I will not have very much of it until I am about three years old. I know that my mommy won’t care though. She will be patient with me and take good care of me no matter what.

Today is December 20th, and it’s my grandmother’s birthday. Hi Grandma! Has mommy told you all about me yet? My grandmother is going to spoil me rotten. She will love me unconditionally and will make my rainy days shine. My mommy has probably told her all about how I am doing inside of her right now. They are probably all excited to have me in their life. I know that I am excited to be in theirs. I bet that my mommy and daddy have been looking at books for my name. Little do they know that the name that I will have in not easily found in the books, and my daddy will one day decide what it is going to be.

You know, I know that my mommy is very young. I don’t think that it is going to matter too much. I know that she can handle any situation. She is a very strong young woman. There are more than one million girls like her every year who are lucky enough to have babies in their lives. (Statistic from original document) Having a baby is hard on anyone. What is important is that once you get past the initial mountains, then the rest is a joyride all the way.

Today is December 24th. It is my first actual Christmas Eve. I wonder if my mommy is getting any toys or clothes for me. I would love very much to have everything perfect by the time that I come home to see my room for the first time. I am going to play with my toys all of the time. My mommy will let me make big messes and then make more messes before she makes me clean everything up. She is going to love to play with me, and I will love to play with her. When we are tired of playing, my mommy will read to me. I will love books. I am going to be very smart and it will all be because my mommy takes time to read to me. There is so much I will want to do in my life. I will love school, and will work hard to accomplish my dreams. My mommy and daddy will be so proud of me. I want to travel all over the country and the world. I want to learn by doing what it is that I read about. I know that my mommy will take me many places. I know that she loves to travel too. We are going to have such a wonderful time.

Today is December 31st. I am almost into the next year. I won’t be until July 15th that I am to be born. There won’t be much left of the new year for me to see. That is OK though because I have all the time in the world. I love you, Mommy. Please take good care of me always and I will take good care of you. There are so many fun times ahead for us. It will be so wonderful to learn everything from you. I have many funny things I want to do for you. One of my favorite games is going to be taking all of the toilette paper off the roll and putting it in the toilet. I am just doing what you showed me Mommy!

I will also love to meet all of my family. I think that I will call my grandmother ‘Meema.’ My great-grandmother I will call ‘GG’ for short. I am going to call all of my grandfathers ‘P-pa.’ It just seems easier that way.

Not much longer Mommy!  We are about one-third of the way through. Soon you will be able to get back to your skinny self again. Thank you, Mommy, for letting me share this space with you. It is going to be kind of tight for a while, but we will both be just fine.

Today is January 3rd…today my mommy killed me.

“No doctor, I don’t have any idea what my baby was thinking. I tried not to think too much about it at all. As I sit here before you, I can tell you that I didn’t think it would matter. I didn’t realize how I would feel…now…after. I had no idea at all that it would have this kind of impact on my mind. I guess that I didn’t know enough about it before it was done. I guess I didn’t really want to know. I know that an abortion is not supposed to be the solution to any problem, but it seemed so easy at the time. I wasn’t ready for my life to change. I don’t need to be bothered with a baby. What fun would that be? The baby doesn’t even know what happened. It wasn’t old enough yet to make a difference. Maybe I will have a kid later, when I am married, and when I am more prepared.”

(Thank you for reading. It’s not a perfect depiction. It’s not perfect writing, but it is a perfect example for now.

For the past 5 years I have worked at a pregnancy center in southern California.  I have seen so many different situations of young girls, women, families who have come it for help and support. I thank God that I too went to a pregnancy center like this when I was pregnant with my son. They showed me unconditional love, support, and encouragement to walk the tough road of my circumstances. I pray that I can continue to be that same light of encouragement to others, unconditional love, and offer hope to people by showing them there is a better way than abortion.

Blessings…    Jenna Crenshaw)